dinner is served

I have this image that keeps coming back to me...its not really a dream b/c I see it in my mind when I'm awake. I don't know if my constant self-analysis has given birth to it or that its, perhaps, emanating from somewhere deeper in my psyche. Its a very vivid depiction of my internal decision making process...thats the best way to capture the essence of it. I see the complete picture...simultaneously first-hand thru my eyes as well as from the view of an observer. It comes to me at very random times, but oddly enough, only during moments when my mind is calm and at ease. Its as if beneath all other thoughts lay this one, only appearing when the others fade away. Here's my attempt to describe what I see:
I'm sitting at a small table-nothing fancy, there isn't any table cloth or other chairs. I don't notice anything else in the room except me and this table. On it, there are two dinner plates. This is where it gets a little psychological and/or interesting. On the first plate, I see my inherent weaknesses represented as an entire meal: theres a huge portion of fear of rejection and failure, with a side each of a constant need to seek approval and please others, topped off by a helping of insecurity, lightly sprinkled with self-doubt served on a platter of acute self-criticism. Everything that has ever held me back and/or still limiting me is contained on that plate. The other plate is quite different. There, I see God's love, His absolute acceptance, undeserving grace, the gifts He's given me...My gaze wavers back and forth between the two piles of "food". The sequence ends with me slowly standing to my feet as I reach for the first plate.
The whole things lasts but mere seconds. When I think about it, I don't get why it concludes that way. I mean, I guess it is somewhat reflective of the internal machinations in my life but I don't see why I reach for that plate as opposed to the other which makes alot more sense. This is one of those times in which I think I think too much.