I suck.

So after coming to the realization on Sunday that I sinfully revel in self-addiction, I came across this passage in Philippians from The Message as I was preparing to facilitate our small group Tuesday:
"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."
That really just floored me...I really don't know what to say; words can't convey the anguish that grips my heart as those words penetrate through the facade...Father, forgive me.