internal affairs

I had lunch with an important person in my life today. It was so great being able to share and be in his presence...I mean, this is someone who has been instrumental in the development of my life and of my faith. And yet, this was the first time I've connected with him in a very long while...looking at how my life is spent in the past year or so, you wouldn't even know who this person is or how much of a blessing he's been to my family and I...and thats when this gut-wrenching, unavoidable feeling came about: I am such a selfish individual. It seems that more often than not, what I seek is immediate gratification. That amidst the myriad of things that swirl in my mind, the overriding desire is to do only what I want to do, what I like to do right here and now...the times when I do set aside my own agenda and look beyond myself are few in comparison...and yet, it is during those times that I feel most alive and joyful not just placated or entertained like I do when I pursue my own wants...I find myself cutting corners, putting important things aside, brushing people off in order to hoard more time,more energy to do nothing of significance or noteworthy, wasteful investments that are temporal and fleeting...yet it goes on day after day after day...
Am I still this immature? this child-like? this self-absorbed? I know there is a place for fun and doing what you like and what-not but has that become my life's campaign? Maybe not that far, but enough to make me cringe at the opportunities for good that I've neglected or, worse, ignored.
If I had to describe myself in one word tonight, it would be wretched.