ETHOS

Tonight is the first part of the ETHOS conference that some of us at the 411 are attending. Personally, whenever I hear the word "conference", a small part of me cringes and theres an instant resistance to the whole idea. I think thats in me b/c I get this image of people sitting around hearing some guy talk about church strategies on how to "win" lost people or give a list of requirements for church survival and success. They come off as contrived and dry, and I end up feeling anything other than challenged and inspired ; I've been to stuff like that before and so those experiences are always what comes forth when I'm near the vicinity of a conference and have turned me off, for the most part, to things of this nature. However, as a group, we read Erwin McManus' book which, I gotta say, is really interesting and inspiring. With his words and ideas in mind, I am looking forward to hearing what God is gonna say through him and seeing what God whats to do with my life during the course of this three-day event.

"Christian Dating"

After a couple of conversations about dating with my good friends Ric and Scott who, incidentally, are the mission director and pastor of the 411, I have come to a few conclusions; well, I shouldn't say conclusions seeing how I'm still working through and processing some of the things that came up. Before I even get started, I must say that I'm not currently dating a non-Christian girl; to be honest, I'm not even really dating at all so this isn't some kind of defense to be used as justification. Basically, what started these talks is my belief that going out with a non-Christian girl isn't wrong. Now, I know the Bible talks about not being yoked together with those outside the faith; I get that...I understand how that verse speaks of committing to relationships where one's priority and values will clash with the other person who isn't a follower of Christ; this verse is mainly used as a warning against a Christian marrying a non-Christian but thats limiting its scope if you really think about (thats another conversation entirely). Ric believes dating is a means to an end, that dating someone eventually leads you to decide if marriage is the outcome of the relationship with that person. There is a long-term aspect that is attached to it. While I do agree that as a follower of Christ, I shouldn't marry a non-follower, I don't see relationships as merely a means but as an end in and of themselves as well; I can't bring myself to view every potential relationship through the lens of marriage possibility. I think there is value in a relationship on its own merit; for instance, there are experiences and lessons about yourself and/or the other person that are learned and discovered through circumstances and the journey of life together. I do acknowledge that these times and moments build upon each other and may propel two people to different levels of commitment and affection. Because of that, I kinda see the practicality in the exclusion of non-believers when it comes to romantic endeavors. However, I have a tough time forcing myself to think about whether or not I'm gonna live the rest of my life with someone before I really know her or even ask her out; thoughts on the possibility of marriage at the onset of a new relationship is a foreign concept to me. I could probably drag this on for another 15 minutes but I have, so far, concluded:
1) Different people have different meanings when it come to "dating". For some, it means a serious and committed pursuit of a life-long mate. For others, its more like "going out" or "seeing someone" where it isn't as serious. Still for others, its simply an activity single people engage in.
2) I have never been in a serious relationship; heck, I haven't even been in a relationship. Thus, I think my perception of relationships is skewered because of that. Since I've never experienced what its like to be in a committed relationship, I find it difficult to see past the short-term aspect of them.
3) Even now, my prayer in this area is that God will continue to work in me so that I'll be ready for the girl He's already preparing for me to meet. I honestly leave all that in His hands. What I'm saying is that I don't think that the mantra of "You shouldn't date a non-Christian" is applicable across the board. Again, maybe my use of the word "date" isn't specific enough. The different boundaries and levels and details of "dating" are stuff I still haven't gotten around to define yet; to me, if I have to examine and quantify and regulate things when it comes to relationships, it doesn't sound worthwhile...

New Orleans-Trip Two

Being back in New Orleans was alot different than the first time back in January...different in more of a good way than a bad way. I really didn't know what to expect which is, honestly, the manner in which I like to experience life so it worked out fine. The first thing that is most evident is number of people who've come back to rebuild and live in the city again; the streets are busier, more stores and restaurants are open, street lights are on...just the little things that you notice which give indication that New Orleans is slowly moving forward,and the operative word there is slowly. While alot has been done, there still alot more to do. There were parts of the city that haven't been touched...a couple of our projects were with houses that nobody has been to since Katrina hit.
We stayed at Jeff Box's church at Suburban Baptist. The last time we were here, we helped get the place ready for their first church service since the hurricane so it was cool to take part in what they've done since and see their plans to expand the church even more. I got to work in Lee and Bonnie's house as well. Again, it was good to how far along they've come since we were there in January...Bonnie was so incredibly happy with her new kitchen; being how its the center of the house and the place where the whole family can finally come together for dinner, I couldn't help but be filled with the same joy. I remember how stark and cold it looked with the ground floor and studs and now to see it taking shape as a true home was amazing. And of course it was more than just a house, the progress and work also symbolizes the mending of their lives and the healing of a broken community.
And I think thats what stuck with me this time around...I know that whenever we work, its unto the Lord but when you get the opportunity to help and serve those you know personally, its always a little more special. To be able to put a face to a name or meet the person whose house you're gutting or whose lawn you're clearing is always a memorable experience. Personally, meeting people and spending time serving or sharing with them about life, sports, God, etc., is a large part in why I chose to come back to New Orleans. I've said it before, it is a great city filled with great people.

Just started packing for our trip to New Orleans tomorrow. Although I'm eager to get down there, a small part of me is a bit hesitant...I don't know why that is; maybe its that selfish part of me that doesn't want to take more time off work or miss all the baseball and football games during the next few days...I so need prayer.

"Prayer cannot truly be taught by principles and seminars and symposiums. It has to be born out of a whole environment of felt need. If I say,"I ought to pray," I will soon run out of motivation and quit; the flesh is too strong. I have to be driven to pray."
"The more we pray, the more we sense our need to pray. And the more we sense a need to pray, the more we want to pray."
Jim Cymbala

I can tell you right off the bat, I am not driven to pray. I think back and recall very few instances were I have been. My "prayer life" seems very removed from the rest of me, seems a bit contrived at times if I'm being honest with myself. I have been taught the formula, given the appropriate words, indoctrinated with the correct mindset but the bottom line is that when I come before the Lord in prayer, I forget who it is I'm connecting with...I dismiss the holy fear associated with encountering my King...I relegate prayer to mere words and phrases removing the essence of the Spirit and the connection of the heart. In my mind, it always seems to be "I ought to pray" or "we ought to pray" and hardly ever "I/we cannot do anything else before I/we come before the Lord". Ric is right on when he says that we spend more time talking about God than talking with Him (or something to that effect). The New Testament speaks of praying without ceasing which makes me wonder if the reason why they were always connected was because they couldn't fathom life apart from that experience of genuine spiritual intimacy with the Father. I read about the early church and can't help but see how much of their lives are dependent on God through a heart-felt need for prayer. Maybe that is why I'm not driven as they were; I've somehow, somewhere along the way convinced myself that I don't actually need God? How horrifying is that?

Artery 2006

The first annual Artery showcase ends today with kids' gallery display. I worked tickets for Thursday's musical "Songs for a New World" by Jason Robert Brown and last night's Dance Showcase directed by Sarah and Shannon. Both events were amazing; I'm blown away by not only the level of talent around us but by the excellent quality of the arts as well. I mean, I don't know much about theatre and dance but from an outsider's perspective, I was more than impressed. Getting to experience artistic expressions from people I know was pretty cool, from Shannon's music to Justin's musical direction to Abigail's dance...very sweet.
I think Artery opened alot of doors for us and gave us more exposure to the art community...I had people constantly walking by and asking what Artery was about and who we are as a church; several people were disappointed that they hadn't heard about it or that they were bummed they missed out on some of the things we were showcasing. I hope we can use this as a springboard to reach and connect with more talented and creative people. It is my prayer that we allow God to transform us and this space into a conducive environment where people from all kinds of walks of life can search and be loved without fear or judgment. I feel that we have lost this middle ground that connects the church with those outside of the building...which is why I'm excited to have been a part of this and to see where the Lord will lead us going forward.
And, a very big THANK YOU goes to Kaiti B. for being the architect for Artery 2006. You rock!

Redemption-Theme of Artery 2006

Redemption is often considered in the same terms as reconciliation. From the depths of pain and strife, separation and estrangement, we find a way to connect, and in connecting, find a way toward newness of life.

While those of us who are Christians believe that redemption is found at the cross through a reconciled life in Christ, there is room here for more than one worldview. For those of differing beliefs and backgrounds, redemption can take on new forms and meanings. It is the saving or improving of that which lies in disrepair or irreversible decline-a neighborhood gentrified beyond recognition, a government bent on a willful path of war, an often ignored hand that reach out for just a little bit more that the world might be willing to give.

It is in the vision of the individual artists that we begin to see for the first time that redemption is not merely symbolic. It is, no matter the medium or the ideal behind it, a true heart change-a willingness to suspend the self and reach out from within to replace the brokenness of the self and society through the wholeness of redeemed life.

Kristen Ball

Artery-Saturday

Artery was kick-offed tonight with the opening of the art gallery which was really impressive. There were submissions from very talented and artistic individuals...the theme of redemption resonated with the artwork, and it was interesting to see people's responses to them. Following that was the viewing of the film "Most" which fit perfectly with the redemptive element of the art showcase; I would encourage everyone to see it. Its only about half an hour long but it will definitely move you. It was Oscar-nominated and is pretty powerful on many different levels.
Plus, Shannon is in town visiting and will be playing Tuesday night for the Singer/Songwriter event. Pretty sweet, huh?

I've been reading "An Unstoppable Force" by Erwin McManus which contains a myriad of things that I readily identify and concur with. Alot of stuff relating to the state of the modern church is, unfortunately, nothing new to me but I am glad the leadership of the 411 is diving into this book and using it as a springboard to seek God's heart in regards to the vision and values of the church. There is this one thing that McManus says that I keep coming back to: "We must remove every nonessential barrier facing those who seek God but have not yet found him."
When I first read that, I had to stop and re-read it several times...to me, that is a super bold statement! Not just one or two but "every" obstacle that gets in the way of someone seeking God...and to be honest with you, I don't know what that looks like. I'm not sure if I have ever been part of a church that lives that out whole-heartedly...even if that very sentiment is there, I have not seen it exercised unconditionally. One reason being that the removal of one of those barriers may very well result in decreasing the comfort level of a group of people within the church itself. And we can't have that, right?
As I ponder what those hindrances may be in church, I've been praying that God reveal any barriers I've put in place in my own life...and that He gives me the strength and conviction to take them down. What would my life be devoid of the "nonessential barriers"? What would the church look like? Am I, are we getting in God's way?

Beach Baptism July 29th

"We loved you so much that we gave you not only God's Good News but our own lives, too." 1 Thes. 2:8
I've been thinking of that word "gave"...my friend Kyle pointed out how Paul didn't say that they just shared or invited others to simply participate in their lives but that they "gave" it as though Paul knew that it took such a complete offering in order to fully impact people. I must admit that I don't know what that truly entails or even looks like...I do know that when you give someone something, the object belongs entirely to the other person and, technically, without any strings attached. Even as I think about the implications of such action, I'm find myself uncomfortable at the thought of opening my life to what seems like drastic measures. The next question that infiltrates my mind is how am I to fully give my life to others if I still hold back some of it from Christ? I would love nothing more than to say that have I offered myself as a living sacrifice and have fully relinquished the desires of my life and heart to God...well, I've made the offer numerous times but seem to always rescind it or fail to deliver. There are areas in my life and in my heart that I don't know how to freely give to Him let alone my friend or neighbor. I don't believe this issue of holding back stems out of a lack of trust in God but born more from selfish desires to grip tightly to what little belongs to me even when I know I really don't not own any of it.
I remember having this ginormous crush on this girl named Cathy Costa in the 6th grade. All her friends knew about it, and I'm sure she knew as well but was sweet enough to not to ever bring it up whenever we were around each other. Anyhow, I had bought her these really nice earrings and gave them to her on the last day of school thinking that I'd never see her again anyway since I was transferring to another school (there are limits to my bravery). I recall being really excited and nervous and happy simultaneously as I fumbled words together in my dorky attempt to demonstrate my feelings to the prettiest girl in the world. Being such the sweetheart that she was, she gave me a huge smile and the best hug I've ever had up to that point in my life. I was absolutely beaming that whole summer long; nothing fazed me for the next few months.
I think about how wonderful and thrilled I felt when I gave those earrings to Cathy Costa, and it saddens me to think that the complete opposite happens when it comes to God; not that I desire to simply be infatuated but how I wish to explode with joy and anticipation and love as I give myself wholly to the Father knowing that He responds overwhelming better that any person ever can. I so desire to have my life driven by the love that Paul talks about in that verse and not be limited by childish fear or selfish indulgences. I just don't know how to do so; more accurately and to be honest, it seems I don't want to find out.
I can't help but to think what Paul is saying in that verse is that its simply not enough to share Christ if I don't give of myself as well...the method of delivery is as crucial and important as the message itself...that true love draws both these things out from a person...
Father, it is my prayer that you lead to a place of brokenness where only You can heal the pieces...I don't know how to give You my life any other way...I also don't think You would want it any other way...

Sidenote: Cathy ended up transferring to the same school I moved to the following year. How embarrassed was I when I ran into her on the second day of school?

Soul Survivor

I just finished re-reading Mike Pilavachi's book "Soul Survivor-Finding Passion and Purpose in the Dry Places" again...I love to go through this book because I always pick up on things I miss before. I think I've gone through it 4 or 5 times and every time, God has used different passages to speak to me; this time was no different. Here are some things Mike says that God has lead me to wrestle with:
"To attempt to change a world without being changed ourselves is a hopeless task."
"This adventure is only for those who are committed to being a voice to, and not merely another echo of, society. It is for those who want to be passionately committed to Jesus, to the King and His kingdom. It is only for those who are sick of superficiality both in themselves and in the Church. Above all, it is for those who long to be 'transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory'(2 Cor. 3:18)."
"God is not interested in a satisfactory working relationship with His people. The passionate God wants a love affair with His Church, a love so strong that we know we could never live without Him."

block par-tay!

Last Saturday, we threw a party for the whole community at the park across the street from the church. It was such a great day; the weather was nice, alot of people showed up, there were a bunch of kids running around with balloons and face paint, popcorn and snowcones were everywhere. It was good to be in the community and connecting with the people around us. Its so meaningful to me to know that at the heart of the 411 is this overwhelming love for God demonstrated through loving our neighbors...that we do things like this not so much as to pull people into a building but to draw the hurting and broken-hearted and weary to the Father and His son, Jesus...isn't that what its all about?

celebration time, c'mon!

It was so good having our first worship celebration in the new church space this morning! No more unloading, setting up, tearing down and loading back up every week, haha!Its not about the building itself b/c we all know that church is the people and not the place but to have the space now to do the creative things that we have imagined is very exciting. It gives us many more opportunities to connect with people in the city as well as provide the church more contacts and exposure to the arts community. Scott and I have talked about how having this space is the next step in God bringing the vision He has given him to fruition and that more people are gonna get excited as they see more tangible evidence of the Lord's work in New York through the 411.

Father, thank you for leading me to a community of Christ-followers who have such a genuinely thrilling desire to worship you in bold and creative ways. I'm so grateful that You have prepared great works for us in advance and have instilled in us wonderful imagination and captivating talent to serve and pursue You. Its hard for me to contain the anticipation and excitement that resonates within my spirit right now as I imagine what those works may be...its time like these when I get out of the way and allow You to truly speak to my soul that I know You alone are worthy of such glory and praise.

Once and for all, people

"It is not the fault of Dan Brown that we as Christians are so horribly uneducated about our own faith that we would blindly believe the fabrications of a fictitious character in one of his novels. It is utterly shameful that a fiction novel could have such a profound effect on us for our lack of knowledge and, to a great extent, even our seeming unwillingness to seek the truth. All Christians claim to believe that what we know about God and Jesus is indeed the truth; few Christians go so far as to prove it for themselves. Many write it off quickly as a matter of faith, leaving themselves quite open to attack in their ignorance. What every Christian should know is that what we believe actually is the truth, and not simply what we believe because we are too foolish or arrogant to understand otherwise."

Clean am I before my Lord
Washed am I in his cleansing word
Though sin talons at my face
Though my lips breath curse and praise
Though verse of doubt I've too oft writ
The eyes of forgiveness see none of it

Clean am I before my Lord
Saved am I from doomsday's sword
Though thy love I've scarcely shown
Though I've wept when the cock hath crowed
Though stumbled have I in miry's pit
The pierced Savior's hand it washes it

Clean am I before my Lord
Mortality's river I shall ford
Drink will I of angel's food
Take hold the redemption of the rood
And drink the blood shed to remit
The sins of my soul, he sees none of it

Clean am I before my Lord
Washed am I in his cleansing word
Clean am I before my Lord
Saved am I from doomsday's sword
Clean am I before my Lord
Mortality's river I shall ford

Its so easy for me to lose sight of such beauty and majesty...its not so much that I'm too busy in general but that I too often allow my mind to concentrate on spiritual issues or matters of the faith that detract me from being in awe of His presence in my life. I find myself more, I don't know, ready or eager I guess to be involved in His kingdom work through action or contemplation than to simply be overwhelmed by the King Himself. I don't even know if that makes sense; its kinda weird, and I'm noticing it more now than ever. I don't think I've lost my passion or desire to serve and follow, but I can't shake the feeling that some of the flavor to it all has slowly dissipated...I'm sure that it has something to do with the fact that I'm in constant analysis of things; I've always seen my faith as a rational one, not one out of blind allegiance. Maybe the mind part isn't in balance with the heart part. I imagine what life would be like if I allowed my entire being to be flooded with His glory and grace and spirit and love...
...and it truly saddens knowing my life is nowhere near that and that I'm the responsible for such limitations.

my King eternal

my Lord immortal

my God invisible

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life’s first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

‘til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand