waiting or missing out?
Do you believe in soulmates? Someone you have been destined to find and marry? I have a hard time with idea because its difficult for me to believe that God has set aside a specific companion for the journey of my life. Is it, then, on me to find her? What happens if I don't or, even worse, make some wrong choices along the way that preclude us from ever meeting?
The one thing running through my mind all last night is that I am now 26 and have never been in a relationship. Never. Sure, there are alot of factors that go into that like rejection, missed opportunities, bad timing, immaturity, work, school, shallow-mindedness...I can go on. I've attributed this whole thing to the notion of not being ready for a relationship in the past, that I need to mature as a man and as a person and as a disciple some more. However, there is this sinking feeling that there is more to it than just that now; a thought that suggests there is something wrong with me which prevents me from finding true companionship. And its not like I crave having a girlfriend but its a special bond just about everyone my age has experienced except me. I don't feel sorry for myself or anything but I find it a strange and peculiar situation to be in...haha, it is probably the weirdest thing in my life right now.
I know the answer in all this is to simply wait upon Him to reveal the right girl at the right time while continuing to grow in my relationship with Him. That is the all-encompassing response in the stuff I've read. However, such an answer is based on previous relational experience. But being how I've never had one, how do I know the difference between waiting and missing out?
The one thing running through my mind all last night is that I am now 26 and have never been in a relationship. Never. Sure, there are alot of factors that go into that like rejection, missed opportunities, bad timing, immaturity, work, school, shallow-mindedness...I can go on. I've attributed this whole thing to the notion of not being ready for a relationship in the past, that I need to mature as a man and as a person and as a disciple some more. However, there is this sinking feeling that there is more to it than just that now; a thought that suggests there is something wrong with me which prevents me from finding true companionship. And its not like I crave having a girlfriend but its a special bond just about everyone my age has experienced except me. I don't feel sorry for myself or anything but I find it a strange and peculiar situation to be in...haha, it is probably the weirdest thing in my life right now.
I know the answer in all this is to simply wait upon Him to reveal the right girl at the right time while continuing to grow in my relationship with Him. That is the all-encompassing response in the stuff I've read. However, such an answer is based on previous relational experience. But being how I've never had one, how do I know the difference between waiting and missing out?
posted by danny at 3/13/2006 06:27:00 PM
4 Comments:
it is a complex issue...i ponder these very things often, with no real answers. it is far more romantic to think that god would orchestrate some grand plan for you and your soul mate to meet and journey together. but on the other hand, is that reality? is there only one person god has for each of us? that is a small mark to hit. so many factors go into it. not that god can't handle all those things, but it is a quite complex situation. but it does weigh on me as well, not having relationships. i start to think that there must be something wrong with me if i am not dating someone or haven't for some time. but at the same time, ever relationship that you have gives you baggage that you carry into every future relationship, so in that case it would seem, the fewer the better. but it does weigh on my self esteem. am i undersirable, or is it just that i have not met the right person. but then we are back to that question of soulmates. sorry i am rambling and don't have any answers. only to say that i am in the boat with you.
my take on it is that meeting the 'right person', like everything else, is unevitable. i believe in Fate.
here is a pretty cool story. i don't know if it will lead to anything, but it's fun to hear. i'm going to modernize it, though:
there was a man who lived in a beautiful house in california. one day he was at the grocery store when he saw Death. Death gave him the strangest look he had ever seen, and he fled the building. he was so worried Death would be coming for him, he jumped into his car and skidded out of the parking lot as fast as he could go. he drove for hours and hours, stopping only to get gas. he wanted to get as far away from the store as possible. he was tired and hungry, but too scared to stop driving. finally, when he was halfway through Nevada, he stopped at a Holiday Inn. when he walked through the doors, Death was sitting at a table in the corner of the room. the man almost cried out in frustration. he went to Death and said, 'how is this possible? i was so scared when you gave me that odd look, i tried to escape, but here you are after all this distance.'
Death said, 'when i saw you in the grocery store, i gave you that odd look because i was confused. i knew that i had to take your life here tonight, but i couldn't figure out why you were all the way out in California.'
in my opinion, you can't do anything wrong in your life. everything you do is the way it is supposed to be. you are the author of your own life. when do you want to start the next chapter?
See, I don't know if I necessarily believe in Fate and destiny. To a certain degree, I do because I'm a bit of a romantic(for better or worse). But I firmly believe that the relationships around you are results of your choices i.e:whether you initiate them or grow them or the amount of life you invest in them. (This issue of Fate and choices, for some reason, reminds me of the Pred-destinantion vs. Free will debate). However, when do I know I'm ready to meet that someone? Must I go through the customary dating rituals in order to prepare myself for her when comes along? Am I even able to discover that special someone on my own or is a matter of time and experiences before she is revealed to me? I don't know but what I will say is that as I'm working through this whole thing, I am intentional in an active pursuit of that special one. That doesn't mean I'm chillin' at all the singles' hangouts but that I'm open to and looking for opportunites to connect with whoever He brings my way. I know all things are in His hands but how much of this is in mine?
so here is my view on the Pre-destinantion vs. Free will debate: god isn't telling you what to do or what choices to make. you are not his puppet. it's more like he's watching the movie of your life, but it isn't new to him. he's seen the movie before so he knows what will happen, but he can't reach into the movie and move the characters around.
what do you think?
p.s.
i'm writing an essay on Heroes. can you write something short for me on your definition of a hero? i want to use your view as a source because you always have an interesting point of view. you can check it out so far. it's up on my blog. i'm going to be different and write about the person who is not my hero.
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