Tuesday, November 21, 2006

"Christian Dating"

After a couple of conversations about dating with my good friends Ric and Scott who, incidentally, are the mission director and pastor of the 411, I have come to a few conclusions; well, I shouldn't say conclusions seeing how I'm still working through and processing some of the things that came up. Before I even get started, I must say that I'm not currently dating a non-Christian girl; to be honest, I'm not even really dating at all so this isn't some kind of defense to be used as justification. Basically, what started these talks is my belief that going out with a non-Christian girl isn't wrong. Now, I know the Bible talks about not being yoked together with those outside the faith; I get that...I understand how that verse speaks of committing to relationships where one's priority and values will clash with the other person who isn't a follower of Christ; this verse is mainly used as a warning against a Christian marrying a non-Christian but thats limiting its scope if you really think about (thats another conversation entirely). Ric believes dating is a means to an end, that dating someone eventually leads you to decide if marriage is the outcome of the relationship with that person. There is a long-term aspect that is attached to it. While I do agree that as a follower of Christ, I shouldn't marry a non-follower, I don't see relationships as merely a means but as an end in and of themselves as well; I can't bring myself to view every potential relationship through the lens of marriage possibility. I think there is value in a relationship on its own merit; for instance, there are experiences and lessons about yourself and/or the other person that are learned and discovered through circumstances and the journey of life together. I do acknowledge that these times and moments build upon each other and may propel two people to different levels of commitment and affection. Because of that, I kinda see the practicality in the exclusion of non-believers when it comes to romantic endeavors. However, I have a tough time forcing myself to think about whether or not I'm gonna live the rest of my life with someone before I really know her or even ask her out; thoughts on the possibility of marriage at the onset of a new relationship is a foreign concept to me. I could probably drag this on for another 15 minutes but I have, so far, concluded:
1) Different people have different meanings when it come to "dating". For some, it means a serious and committed pursuit of a life-long mate. For others, its more like "going out" or "seeing someone" where it isn't as serious. Still for others, its simply an activity single people engage in.
2) I have never been in a serious relationship; heck, I haven't even been in a relationship. Thus, I think my perception of relationships is skewered because of that. Since I've never experienced what its like to be in a committed relationship, I find it difficult to see past the short-term aspect of them.
3) Even now, my prayer in this area is that God will continue to work in me so that I'll be ready for the girl He's already preparing for me to meet. I honestly leave all that in His hands. What I'm saying is that I don't think that the mantra of "You shouldn't date a non-Christian" is applicable across the board. Again, maybe my use of the word "date" isn't specific enough. The different boundaries and levels and details of "dating" are stuff I still haven't gotten around to define yet; to me, if I have to examine and quantify and regulate things when it comes to relationships, it doesn't sound worthwhile...

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel as if I must clarify one thing. I believe I repeated the phrase "pursuing a romantic relationship" about 15 times during the conversation. I've never had an objection to going out with someone (going on a date) who does not share your faith. I do, however, believe that PURSUING A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP with someone IS a means to an end and therefore should not happen with people who do not share the same faith... ...across the board. That has nothing to do with anyone's definition of "dating." It has do do with matters of the heart and soul, and the guidelines for both that we have been given by our Creator.

There are many more points to this, but this is not my blog, it's Danny's, and I just wanted to clarify that one point.

And, by the way, Danny is apparently available, so if any of you ladies out there are looking, I have his number.

12:06 PM  
Blogger danny said...

Hahaha, you're too funny Ric. I have to acknowledge that he did stress that point during our conversation; and to that end, I'm beginning to agree.

10:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, so this is shannon. a couple days ago...i left this really long hilarious...and i mean hilarious comment about my views on dating. about how i think we should forget dating and go straight for mail order brides and grooms and preferably ones who don't speak the same language as ourselves in order to avoid not only issues of faith but issues in general due to lack of cultural commonalities and langauge barrier....HOWEVER...it got erased or something...or never actually posted. and for this we may all shed a tear.

but on a side note. i agree with ric's comment...and hi ric...ur still one of my favorites. BUT...what if u plan to only go on a date or so with a person who does not share the same faith as u, but then accidentally like them a whole lot...and accidentally fall in love after seeing them a couple times...this is assuming love is real...haha...jokes. anyway, but seriously... i'd like to think one could just go on a date or a couple dates with someone of a different faith...but couldn't it end up in a sticky situation? ya know what they say...sometimes u can't help who u fall in love with. or MAYBE...hopefully...if one's faith is deep...the lack of shared faith on the other person's behalf...may cause a crater bc faith is so close to the heart? know what i'm sayin?

happy peanut butter and ketchup day!

1:16 PM  
Blogger danny said...

Honestly, I'm really the last person to be talking about dating and relationships simply b/c I have so little experience in both categories. God is gonna really need to hook me up, haha.

7:29 PM  

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