bittersweet

I saw the movie "In Good Company" last night...it was pretty good...I thought the script had a few snags but the acting from Dennis Quaid, Topher Grace, and Scarlett Johansson really carried the movie. Its no "Garden State" but still quite enjoyable.
What I found interesting was how I reacted to Topher Grace's character whose name is Carter. He's the typical hard-working, successful, going-places, moving-up-in-the-world, clever, young guy who gets promoted to head up the magazine dept. of a huge global corporation. He's married, has his own house, drives a Porsche...what drew me to that character is how he has seemingly established his identity in the world at the age of 26. With me just turning 25, I feel this internal pressure for some reason to set my mark...I don't know where this personal expectation is coming from...I didn't have this before...the thing is, I'm capable of achieving this...there are opportunities in my company I can take advantage of to begin to...do my own thing. As I was watching the movie, I got this strong urge to place everything currently in my life on hold, leave it all for now and go...
On the other hand, I don't believe that lifestyle would satisfy me in the long run...Carter had it all but realized it wasn't what he really wanted either...what overwhelmed him and shifted his paradigm was how simple his fellow worker's life was...that the fulfillment he longed for wasn't found in his work but in who he was as a person...I kept thinking,"Do I want to go and do my own thing for awhile only to discover what I know now?"
I don't think I've been internally torn to this degree during any other movie...
This Jimmy Eat World song was playing on my way home:

All I can say

I shouldn't say

Can we take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

You want to take a ride?

Get out of this place

While we still have time

Yeah, while we still have time

good time had by all

It was really cool having dinner with some of my closest friends yesterday...sitting around chatting about life, politics, faith, movies...couple of my buddies took me out to the local watering hole for some birthday shots. Then we conspired to wake up our buddy Jason which turned out to be a really funny venture...good times, good times...

peace in the middle east?

http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/
Nope...and I'm not talking about Iraq. We've bombed Afghanistan and then Iraq and now...hey, how about the country in between those two-Iran? The article is pretty long but really interesting...it basically states that the US has been conducting covert missions in Iran since last summer with the goal of producing key targets to eliminate if ( more like when) America were forced to take military action against Iran. The groundwork has been set to approach Iran the same way America approached Iraq: possible WMD's/ violation of UN sanctions/ spread of Democracy.
Is it just me or is America's desire to spread democracy geo-centric? What I mean is, why is the US fixated upon that region of the world when there are other known "terrorist" states that go by w/o any real concern?
You think soldiers are gonna come home soon? Not with the unstability of the Iraqi elections and the possibilty of another war looming on the horizon...

another one down, 75 more to go...

Today is the official quarter mark of my life. 25...I think theres something to that number, and I get a sense that this will be a life-changing year for me. We shall see...I welcome any gifts( my name is spelled D-A-N-N-Y...I'll complete the rest of the check/ I have about a 31 inch waist and prefer size small), advice or funny anecdotes. Oh yeah, I'm at work right now...great huh? Thats life, ya gotta take the sweet and the sour sometimes...

no way...

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6867209/?GT1=6065
Are you kidding me? First, there was advertising on the back of pro boxers and now this...what is the world coming to?

other side of the coin

http://www.cnn.com/2005/EDUCATION/01/19/evolution.debate.ap/index.html
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1019856,00.html
I've read several things about "intelligent design" being discussed in school. Not only that but there have been statements by school officials declaring that evolution is not fact but theory. Its an interesting subject with implications on both sides. As it stands right now, "the theory of intelligent design (ID) holds that certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause rather than an undirected process such as natural selection. "(http://www.intelligentdesignnetwork.org/) Who or what that cause is isn't discussed at the moment. However, creationists attribute that "intelligent cause" to be God. So you can see why secularists claim that the use of ID is just a smoke screen to introduce religion into the classroom.
I've always believed that macro-evolution has unquestionable holes in it...I don't need to discuss what they are at this time but I've also maintained that micro-evolution isn't debatable. Often times when evolution is mentioned, people are talking about macro and micro gets lost in the debate. However, I do think it is about time that we have open dialogue within the curriculum of science of, at least, another possibility. Should schools stop teaching evolution? Not at all but to do so within the frame of reference that it isn't as absolute as it is made out to be. Should we use this topic of ID as a crusade to invade the schools with religious dogma? I don't think so...but what is important is for schools to not longer fear presenting the other side of the story and for administrations to back them up. I truly believe you can teach ID on scientific merits alone without invoking spirituality. Hopefully, this will continue to go in a direction that will open things up for further discussion outside of the classroom...to provoke inquiries from students concerning the range of things they are taught...

This makes alot of sense...

http://www.time.com/time/archive/preview/0,10987,1018089,00.html
My buddy Adam brought this great article to my attention...and after reading it, it explains some things that are evident in my life and in the lives of many people I know...I do get the sense that I'm in this transitory phase of my life. However, what is supposed to be temporary seems to have lasted longer than that...nothing has prepared me for this season of life and yet there are expectations concerning what I'm supposed to be doing or having or being...I'm like a wandering nomad constantly traveling from one experience to another but yet eagerly hoping to cling onto something a little more permanent...
This apprehesion has something to do with the fact that I'm turning 25 on Thursday...quarter-life crisis here I come! The first 25 years have been a prepping stage where I've, as best as I could, prepared myself for this next 25 years...its seems like a daunting task now that I think of it but one I can't wait to begin with the things I've learned so far, the network of people in my life and by the grace of God...

Makin' em kids proud!

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/01/21/homework.suit.ap/index.html
Why didn't I think of this? Ughhhhhh...idiot!

Yeaaaah!

My Eagles are finally headed to the big dance!!! They played such a good game...I absolutely think Vick is the most talented player in the league but Philly's D made him look foolish...by the way, there was some fan who ran up on the field and got speared big time by a security guard...you thought that hit by Dawkins on Crumpler was huge, this guard had a running start and just blindsided this fan to the ground hard! The Superbowl is gonna be good especially with TO coming back in time.
The Patriots dismantled the Steelers the same way they disassembled the Colts. You gotta respect that squad...if they win the Superbowl, they're a dynatsy-no question about it. If Brady is the MVP again, he's arguably the best QB since Montana. Whats not debatable is the fact that he's gonna be a hall-of-famer...people just don't respect him enough...the guy doesn't own many stats but the ones he does own all have to do with winning: 2 Superbowl wins(both MVP's) / 8-0 in the playoffs(the guy has not lost a post-season game yet)...hey I like Manning, but I'll take wins over TD's or yards any day.
In other sports related items, my boy Tiger won his first tourney of the year...he looked good the entire weekend and came from behind to take it...it looks like a good year is coming up.
My Lakers are playing good ball considering Kobe has been hurt. ...22-16 ain't that bad, thats the 6th seed as of today.

"Love your neighbor as you love yourself."
This thought kept running thru my mind all morning long,"What happens if you don't love yourself?"

About time!

I was watching the Daily Show w/ Jon Stewart last night and was pleasantly surprised with the guest he had on http://www.comedycentral.com/tv_shows/thedailyshowwithjonstewart/videos.jhtml. The show featured Jim Wallis from Sojourners(a great website/magazine that looks at politics and stuff from a faith based perspective) talking about his new book "God's Politics" http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=special.display&item=050111_godspolitics. It was refreshing to hear some of the things he said because I share similar sentiments. Heres a quote:
"Since when did believing in God and having moral values make you pro-war, pro-rich, and pro-Republican? And since when did promoting and pursuing a progressive social agenda with a concern for economic security, health care, and educational opportunity mean you had to put faith in God aside?
God's Politics offers a clarion call to make both our religious communities and our government more accountable to key values of the prophetic religious tradition - that is, make them pro-justice, pro-peace, pro-environment, pro-equality, pro-consistent ethic of life (beyond single issue voting), and pro-family (without making scapegoats of single mothers or gays and lesbians). These are the values of love and justice, reconciliation, and community that Jesus taught and that are at the core of what many of us believe, Christian or not."
I was blown away when I read this because I totally believe this and felt that I was in the minority at the last election. While many of my Christian brethren seemingly swore allegiance to Bush and the Republican party whole-heartedly, I had many reservations concerning Bush himself and his platform. But everywhere I turned, church people were adamant about how important Bush was to Evangelical Christians everywhere and how voting him to office would be a great victory for our faith...oh really? It was a travesty to watch followers of Christ rallying behind only two moral issues(war and gay marriage) while neglecting all others. The shady, deceptive half-truths for the war is a moral issue...the needless destruction of God's creation is a moral issue...but none of these were addressed as if they did not matter...Evangelicals looked past them without hesitancy hoping Bush would be the savior of the free world. I voted for Bush but not without great concern, consternation, and doubt. There wasn't one important issue that I did not personally look into myself...not once did I allow preconceived notions of where I "should" stand politically as a Christian to preclude me from deciding which side is doing the better job. To face a moral issue with your mind already made up because of what someone else tells you is dangerous...especially if you get wrapped up in the religious fervor that that was so apparent in the last election. There needs to be a personal examination and analysis of the "moral values(collection of culture war issues )" by each individual in order to preclude an autonomous response predicated upon what political party one associates with. Just because I follow Christ shouldn't automatically make me a die-hard Republican...

Apprentice

Season 3 of the Apprentice starts tomorrow night...and it looks really good. I like the concept of having Book Smarts v. Street Smarts...the rift between those who have a master's master in everything and those who have started their own successful businesses keep widening and deepening...so its good that Mark Burnett has recognized this and taken advantage of it...the candidates seem interesting enough...the token hot chicks are Audrey and Erin( heres hoping they stick around awhile)...theres also a guy who invented Glowsticks. Oh, I can't wait to see this...http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Apprentice_3/candidates/audrey.shtml

state of the union

Do you know what really irks me? Forced smiles...putting up a facade to mask something lingering beneath the surface. What sucks is that sometimes, thats all we can do...is to pretend life is "fine", that the sorrow and hurt and disappointment and anger and cynicism that we experience is too overwhelming for others to bear...b/c we can barely contain it and maintain our sanity...that if we hinted at such things, it would overwhelm us and we'd lose control...what I hate even more than forced smiles is that I've found myself doing it lately..."How are you doing, Danny?" (smiling with a false pretense) "Good."
Why am I engaging in a practice that I despise? What am I doing something that goes against the fabric of my being? Its because the flavor of my life is bland right now. Not that life sucks or is boring...but its like no matter what happens, at the end of the day when I'm driving home or when I'm in that moment when the world stops and I'm alone with just my thoughts and emotions, I'm left with this bad taste in my mouth that I cannot get rid of...that despite the good things that happen, they can't wash away this...this sour taste that seeps thru my mind and spirit...that no matter what I do, no matter how intense my desire to serve you...you leave me feeling like this...you let the last moments of my day be filled with sorrow and hurt and disappointment and anger and cynicism...and not love or meaning or excitment or joy or peace...
Am I being selfish? Is it self-centered of me to want to wrap up a long day with a sense of calmness? Am I too focused on myself by having this desire to commune with you before I begin anew the next day?
I would not do this to my son...what good is unconditional love when it isn't felt? And the crazy thing is that despite all this, I still love you...and I know you still love me, then why? I don't want to talk about this anymore...I don't even feel like posting this...

winter camp

I'm going down to Hume as the guy's counselor for high school winter camp http://www.humelake.org/ tomorrow through Monday. Its supposed to be really good weather this weekend...hopefully theres snow and not ice like previous years...snow balls are alot more fun that ice balls. Its a small group going, only 3 on the guys' side...but they're really good guys, and I'm excited at the opportunity to hang with them. My prayer is that God will begin to move in their hearts already, getting them ready to hear the truth he has in stored for them this weekend and that they will be overwhelmed by such truth and love and grace...Father, remove anything from my heart that will be a hindrance...help me cast aside my agenda and begin to seek your heart for these students...calm me with your Spirit, create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me...grant safe travel for all involved as well...

Survivor

The new Survivor castaways have been announced http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor10/index.shtml by CBS. A couple of interesting people...couple of cute girls...this guy Williard who seems to be like the second-coming of Rudy. Theres supposed to be something huge in the beginning that'll change the game...hopefully, it'll be something good that'll fix the problems from last time...like better twists or a more colorful cast or more creative product tie-ins...Even though I was somewhat disappointed last time, I'm hoping Mark Burnett put some long hours into this one.

peep this

So, I've been wanting an iPOD but have been putting off getting one even a mini...but now that they've released the Shuffle...don't...know...how...much...longer...I...can...prolong...the inevitable...http://www.apple.com/ipodshuffle/

sports rant

Okay look, I know the Eagles aren't the same without TO...and that they haven't played a meaning ful game in about 4 weeks...but they still got big #5 who is well rested and playing excellent ball. Westbrook is back as well, and the defense is intact plus they're playing in Philly...c'mon now, they're gonna beat the Vikes...no doubt. I'm gonna miss out on a great Colts/Pats game...I think this game has bigger implications than any other playoff game this year.
Lakers are doing fine by the way...Kobe has been playing great so far this season...lighting fools up when needed and dropping dimes left and right. Odom and Butler need to step their game up a bit but when they really figure out this new offense, the Lakers are gonna bring heat! Who thought Mihm could play a little ball...I predict playoffs, 7th seed maybe 6th...they're gonna be dangerous in the playoffs with the right match-ups.
Why are Mets fans doggin my Yanks? So, ya got Pedro and Beltran(who is an excellent player, the next coming of A-rod), and what? You guys are still not on our level, I mean you're not in the Yankee's universe...we don't pay attention to anything you do. You've definitely got a better team than you've had in the past 3 or 4 years but c'mon now? I'm tired of Met fans calling radio shows claiming they've got an edge on the Yanks. I know you're excited that something is finally happening over there but don't bring it over here quite yet, not until you do something significant.
Whats happening with the A's?? Hudson is gone...I heard that Mulder is gone too?...and they're gonna sell the team? I know the A's pride themselves on their talent developing and rebuilding skills but what good is developing skills if ya can't use them for more than two years? You're just helping other people out. Are the A's a non-profit, goodwill organization now? You can't constantly be rebuilding right? I mean, teams rebuild to get the next level but the A's seem to rebuild every other year for the heck of it...this ain't fair to the fans.
I cannot believe this Brad/Jen debacle has gotten so outta hand that its made its way to sports radio. Is is really that big a deal? C'mon, I know its sad to see Achilles and Rachel split but it seems to be more heartbreaking for everyone else. Everyone just simmer down now aight?

What's wrong with me? I've notice that I've haven't been myself lately...my thoughts, my motives, especially my attitude has been heading towards negativity. It may result from me feeling that God kinda let me down a couple of weeks ago. But thats just me not being able to see the big picture right? I feel my heart isn't in the right place, that I'm not in the right frame of mind...

Tough call

I finally engaged in an extended period of physical activity yesterday or "exercising" I guess you could call it. I ran on the treadmill at home for 20 min, did some stretches that I use to do in karate, some push-ups and sit-ups, some basic karate movements...and wow, am I sore today! I haven't done anything remotely close to that in about...I don't even when...how pathetic is that? Its gonna take every ounce of discipline in order to establish this as a daily routine. What makes it even more arduous is the fact that I despise running...I can imagine doing so many other things in that period of time...my buddy Adam runs all the time...the guy runs as much as I drive I think. But its time that I get back into shape...what was the catalyst for this change? Well, my buddy Chase just graduated from the Marines, and I figure if he can do all that, I can at least do a little running and working out. I figure I can partake in some form of physical activity daily for about 45min which is equivalent of one game of Madden football on Xbox live. So, I basically have to choose either Madden(fun!) or physical activity(boring yet helpful)? This used to be such an easy decision...

loving the least

It heartbreaking to those images...the destruction of buildings are sobering but the pain of those left behind and the loss of life is indescribable...the feeling that washes over me is reminiscent of 9/11...both eerie and sorrowful...if anyone is interested, http://www.worldvision.org/site/pp.asp?c=fvKVLbMVIwG&b=277262.

best/worst list

My 3 favorite films of 2004 are Napoleon Dynamite, Garden State, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Interestingly enough, I can't get enough of Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson...both of whom are not only beautiful but seem normal enough and can actually act. (Imagine that, actresses who can act!) Favorite movie quotes come courtesy of aformentioned films: 1) Eternal Sunshine-"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating." 2) Napoleon(the whole movie is quotable)-"Your mom goes to college!" 3) G State-"By the way, it says BALLS on your face." The best music from last year was from Jimmy Eat World. That cd is amazing...it totally blows their last one out of the water, and the last one was pretty good too. I really like the atmosphere they've created and the range of songs is cool...Best book I read in '04 had to be "Soul Survivor" by Mike Pilavachi... he had alot of insightful things to say with cleverness and clarity. The best thing I got myself was my Honda Civic...the biggest thing I've ever purchased...second best was my Motorola V80 cell phone. The best thing I gave was a bundle of first issue comic books( like first issue X-Men)...it was really tough but was for a good cause so, its all gravy. Best thing I got from someone was a thank-you note...it was very meaningful given the circumstance. Best lesson learned was to stop speeding...don't actually know if I've mastered that one yet. Best times of last year was in Vegas with my buddies...second best was in SB. Best form of entertainment I got was Xbob Live...2nd best was the board game Stratego:Lord of the Rings edition...sweet! Funniest moment was witnessing J-dogg consume two handfuls of red peppers...my stomach felt like it did a thousand sit-ups in 5 seconds...oh so funny, the hardest I laughed in about 2 years! Best thing I did was plan things for other people...I have a good time seeing my friends having a good time. Most meaningful time was at a spiritual gathering with some close friends in December. Most memorable time was watching MJ share her testimony...I was so proud of her, how she has grown so much in such a short time, it imprinted in my mind what "community" is really about-the sharing of our lives, living where God meets us with others. Boldest thing I did was get a tattoo especially considering how low my pain tolerance threshold is...I was kinda surprised myself. Best addition to my daily routine is starting this blog...I've been slacking as of late though. Best party I attended last year was Aaron's at Miyaki's...he was flat out hilarious while we were watching Elf(just ask Megan). Best Halloween costume was my friend in his semi-inflated sumo suit...therre were laughs all nite long. Best moment on TV was that whole "wardrobe malfunction" debacle...it had me chuckling to myself whenever I heard it for months...2nd best was Jon Stewart on "Crossfire"...that guy is so wickedly witty, unassumingly intelligent, under-the- radar hilarious(him and ESPN make me long for cable TV)...3rd was Will Ferrell on the Tonight show where he told everyone he named his son "Magnus". Best holiday was Labor Day...had a really good time at the beach chizillin' wit' my peeps.

The worst movie I saw last year was Alexander(I didn't even finish it)...second worst was Coffee and Cigarettes(thanks Adam). A cd I should have burned instead of buy was Gwen Stefani's...it made me appreciate No Doubt a tad bit more...another bad one was JayZ/R.Kelly(don't ask). Worst thing on TV were all the junk reality tv shows (except Survivor and the Apprentice) like Biggest Loser, Wife Swap, the Swan, Elimidate, The Bachelor #73...there are many more , unfortunately. The worst sports moment was when...it pains me to mention this...the flippin' Sox beating my Yanks...to choke like that, up 3-0...it still stings...second worst( this hurts too) was the dismantling of my Lakers in the NBA finals... 2004 was a bad sports year for me. Worst thing I did to myself was trying to wear my hair combed back...it wasn't good, trust me. Worst time was getting tatted up...I don't care what anyone says, it hurts not like a bunch of bee stings but more like infinite piranha bites. Worst experience last year was being disappointed by a good friend...we aren't as close as we were after that point, it kinda felt like losing someone important in my life...second worst was losing my loft-like room when we moved...I loved that place, it was spacious and kinda isolated, big enough to have my friends over and hang out, small enough to clean. Worst thing I did was give up on furthering one of my friendships...second lousiest was giving someone the finger while driving...that was also my most embarrasing moment...as soon as it went up, I said to myself,"Dude, you're such an idiot!" What I missed most last year were my buddies MJ and Meg who both left SJ...one for work and the other for school...second thing I missed most were new episodes of "Friends"...my Thursday nights still don't feel right( "Joey" just doesn't do it). Worst holiday was Valentine's...for obvious reasons.

I'm sure there are a bunch of things that I've missed or have totally forgotten. 2004, overall, was better than 2003. I'm looking forward to a, hopefully and prayerfully, different and challenging 2k5.

sb part one

My trip to Santa Barbara during my vacation yielded mixed results. I was intentional about going alone in order to spend some time in the Lord, praying that He would manifest His will for my life in some way. That was what I was really excited about and hoping for. But it would seem that God is on a different time table than me. I guess it really is kinda selfish to limit God's magnificence to a specific time and desired location. But its just that I've been finding He's responding to these heartfelt longings with silence. Is it wrong for me to desire His plans at this time in my life? Everyone tells me to patiently wait, and I know thats the best thing to do but...
Outside of that, I had a great time...I kinda have an adventuresome spirit and so, I had a blast exploring the town. My hotel was half a block off of the main downtown street that ran through the SB. It was close to the beach as well. The first night was pouring so bad that there were flash flood warnings...I have pics of boats washed up on shore the following morning(if I ever figure how to get them from my phone to the internet, you'll see them). I did some shopping along State St. There were some interesting shops, a huge Barnes and Nobles, a few old school theatres, a lot of sweet restaurants and bars. There was quite a bit of activity around but not so much because of the weather and the week I went.
The beach was cool but the view from this one cliff was amazing. I could see this one part of the coastline when the sun finally peeked out...it was really sweet. I got some good pics of that but see previous parenthetical comment above. It was so serene...there was a peaceful, easy feeling that invaded my soul and soothed my mind...I imagine living in such a place where calmness and easiness seem to replace busyness and stress...where I can gaze out and allow the crashing waves and the magnificence of the vast ocean to remind me of God's amazing grace and masterful care of my existence...to be swept up in that and not in work or expectations or anything else not worth being entangled in.
I drove around SB about half the time looking for things. I actually "found" Westmont College unintentionally. I had wanted to check it out but really didn't know where it was. I was driving around Montecito when some familiar areas popped up. You know the community is affluent when they call their homes "estates" and have gates and walls up all around. Its such a beautiful school; I always describe it as being on a tiered state park.
I know this sounds pathetic but I enjoyed hanging out in my hotel room. To just relax and have the place to myself was kinda cool. This was really the first time in a hotel that I was able to figure out what channels were what...ordered some room service...watched ESPN 'til 2 in the morning, woke up at 11...stuff like that was good to do...not having a set timetable for anything or having to meet someone or having to be somewhere...it was very freeing.
My favorites part of the trip was definitely the mission. The art museum was...interesting. More on those to come in part 2.

2K5

I haven't posted anything in a few weeks because of vacation and the holidays but I have a lot on my mind...reflections, contemplations, revelations...well, maybe not revelations.